This is how Qox Populi will work. The post, dated every tuesday, will remain on on the front page during the week. After I watch a show or experience something pop culture related on tv, I will post about it under each month's weekly Qox Populi. Just visit GuyTVBlog.com all week to see how it works.

Shane's Closet? . So I've been making myself watch Bravo's "desperate" reality show The Real Housewives of Orange County to see what this guy Shane is all about. Blogs are blogging 'bout him and gay people are all in a trance over him. So with the show heading into its season/series finale this week I was able to Tivo a mini marathon last night. Interesting... I actually see a closeted 18 year old homosexual playing a straight guy...

He's actually playing a virgin of all things! This "straight" moment happens in the episode where Slade, the actor turned 40 year old stud, is doing something in a business suit. Over at Jeana's house, we discover Shane is about to go to Mexico with a family friend to "get some girls". How boring.

Shane then starts talking to the camera about how he hasn't had a girlfriend in over 2 years. He goes on to say that his dad teases him by always asking Shane if he's gay. "Do you not like girls? What's wrong? Are you just not good enough looking for them?" are some of the other questions Shane's dad asks.

Shane goes on to ask "What do I need a girlfriend for?" He continues by saying that all his friends with girlfriends are "miserable" because they are always fighting, arguing and chuckling. Shane says he hates it and doesn't want to be around them when they are together. "I refuse to be like that" says Shane.

Um... now he never said he wasn't gay. Just like how Ricky Martin never told Barbra Walters that he wasn't gay. As for Shane's dislike for the whole girlfriend thing... get use to it straight boy because marriage is going to be 10 times worse than a regular relationship. My gaydar is like smokin' here. It's so fucking loud that I have to put it in the other room.

Later in the same episode, we find out through Riley, the friend of the family who took Shane to Mexico to get girls, told Shane's sister that he had to "coach him through 'this' last night". Shane's sister laughs and jokes around by saying "...this is the boob" to which Riley announces "bascially that's what I had to do." What attractive as fuck 18 year old needs coaching on boobs in Mexico? Well I know I do and that's because I'm gay and not into girls.

Finally we get to see Shane on camera "getting with girls". Shane & Riley are at a bar with a bunch of ladies and Riley was caught on camera just looking around... looking over the girls, seemed uninterested. Shane blames his lack thereof of girls based on the "selection" that was in the club. He then slapped some girl he thought had a slammin' body.

Now they're dancing on the club to some crappy reality show music mix. Oh fuck, Shane's kissing a girl. FUCKIN DAMN IT. Then the text "One Hour Later..." appears. We now see Shane & Riley walking in the night streets of Mexico where we see Riley telling Shane that "you should have gone down on that" and that "you left that girl hanging". Shane of course laughs and says "what do you expect?".

Sounds like something I would have done if I was in Mexico with my family. Exact same fucking thing. We gay boys do know how to kiss a lady. It's not hard. You just smear lips on lips. Control the saliva. Pretend you're into it.

But now I'm seeing why he has to remain closeted. He almost got drafted to the Oakland A's, playing in college now and has a bloodline of baseball players in his family. Tell me one gay baseball player that is out about his sexuality while playing the sport...

In another episode we find Shane and his friend, Calen, playing b ball. Here we find out that Shane yet again blames the whole Mexico girl situation on a law that states a person can not bring back a woman to their hotel past 11 o'clock. Calen looks at him funny, almost like who the fuck obeys that law. This would be another thing I would have told my family members probing questions regarding girls in Mexico.

Shane then goes on to tell us, the viewing audience, that he's a VIRGIN! He says "I do not have sex yet - I am a virgin. I am not a big sex person yet." WAIT a fucking minute here. You've been masturbating since you were in your early teens, I masturbate and long for sexual encounters... who the fuck isn't into sex? Even nuns fuck around!

"I don't believe in having sex just so I can say that I had it- which I know other people do" says Shane. Now his loveable, huggable mom, Jeana, chimes in by saying that Shane doesn't have any interest in having a girlfriend [a mother knows] but he has no problem attracting girls. Well of course he doesn't have a problem turning girls on MOM, pretty gay boys always attract the ladies. Mom lays on more protective comments that Shane doesn't know how to ask girls out, that baseball is more important than girls and that she doesn't think he's interested in a 30 year old mother aka Lauri aka Jo aka older women.

Shane tells us, the viewing audience, that he has different "dream girls". Just as long as they have a good body and "nice hair" but they have to have a butt, a big butt! "I like butts" announces Shane proudly. Um... nice hair? Shouldn't you have included breasts? 'Cause guys have great bodies, nice hair and butts, some even have big butts. But guys don't have breasts. Well, the obese guys do.

Later on Shane plays some pool with 2 girls, one of them being a childhood friend who's turned into a slamming potential girlfriend. They ask him how the "ladies" are treating him. Shane then tells us, the viewing audience, that he's one of the movieish type guys that's waiting for the "right person kind of crap". He also says that he's "waiting for the right kind". The girls then ask him about the MILF on his street and he says he's not going to lie, that he thinks they're pretty. Well he's not lying. I even think they're pretty. But straight guys would say the MILFs are "fuckable", not pretty.

Oh, and did you see how he played with the words. He said "right PERSON". Person! I've been known to use that play on words when talking to some people who just don't know about me.

Shane is either afraid of STD's or he's a closeted homo-hot-sexual who's about to get into a sport where gay people are not welcome. I will be honest in saying that I am just a tad bit jealous of the other closeted baseball player who will get to enjoy Shane...

Update: According to MySpace, the grand daddy whore that is online profiles, Shane is caught saying "I should have shot the guy who took it" and "Thanks Gangsta. South side You faggot haha". Damn it Shane, now why did you have to call another guy a "faggot". For shame Shane, for Shame!

Now before you start verbally going after an actual "faggot", me, just be fully aware I'm not the first or last person to think this about you. I'm sure you're sweet, you'll have a long career in the baseball business and I really do wish you well in your straight life. This is satire borderline opinion slash truth.

For those curious, I know it's the actual Shane who posted "faggot". Thanks to the finale show of The Real Housewives we viewing audience got to see a featured photo of a shirtless Shane posing with a blurred out shirtless black guy. This photo is the same one that is found on his official MySpace profile. Just type Shane and Housewives and MySpace to find his profile via Google.

By the way, Shane's friend Paris is the one featured in the blurred out photo. Not the rich taped porn star Paris but a college guy with a pretty damn hot girlfriend. Will Shane come out next season on the show? Stay tuned to the gayest network in cable, Bravo!

How Will Grace End . With NBC officially killing off a great comedy that has actually run out of jokes, Will & Grace's mega finale will get the DVD treatment on May 23rd. Five days after the finale airs you can own a piece of queer history. The episode will be 45 minutes long with many DVD featurettes that will of course look great on the box but will most likely let your erection down. Farwell to the hit NBC show that never really showed an actual gay relationship.

Channel 912 . Tune into Channel 912 on GuyTVBlog.com every Tuesday for new media clips slash reality show entertainment. The 1st video features a spanish tv show where nudity is just not a problem. As for the 2nd clip, fuck if I know why guys are showing while answering questions. I live in America, where everything is closeted and prude.

Posted by guytvblog at May 2, 2006 12:01 AM

Comments

Posted by: RED at May 2, 2006 8:40 AM

Posted by: Mr. GuyTVBlog at May 2, 2006 4:03 PM