April 16, 2007

VH1's I Love New York . Season FUCKING Two!

If you missed I Love New York's reunion episode Sunday night then you missed the beginning of I Love New York: Season FUCKING Two!

That's right, New York got dumped again for the THIRD FUCKING TIME! It all started when Tango, the man she choose over Chance in the finale, came out on stage and was reunited with New York. Four months had passed since the show ended and this was the first time they had seen each other [supposely].

Tango started to "fake" his way into New York's heart again by kissing her before they took their seat in a sticky leather couch. As the host talked and clips were shown Tango kept licking his lips while placing his arm around New York as she placed her leg over his. It was obvious both have been watching the episodes play out on VH1 because what was about to happen is because Tango watched the episodes.

Tango sat quietly as New York talked about why she picked Tango, it had something to do about Tango being more "adult" then Chance. Watching Tango as she spoke was exciting because his motors was working overtime. This boy was ready to unleash what he'd been holding back for months. New York then exchanged forgiveness words with Chance due to the fact that she didn't choose him in the finale. Tango is still pretty much quiet at this point.

Next the host shared secret footage of what happened on the finale after Tango proposed to New York. He ended up heading outside to get New York's mother as New York paniced inside the house. When Tango brought in the Devil Mother New York shoved the engagement ring in her mouth. All three started yapping about her wedding to Tango and the Devil Mother noticed something was in her daughter's mouth. She pulled it out and quickly stated "It's too small".

New York suddenly screamed "Thank You!" in agreement to the ring being too small. Imagine how Tango felt at that moment. Well the clip package was over and we get back to the reunion. Finally Tango begins to talk.

Basically he says he came on the show to make a statement. He wants "Tiffany" back and not "New York". He goes on to say he watched the shows and watched New York verbally trash his mother on the show. We then get a clip of the mother bashing antics by New York that quickly kicks off the official start to I Love New York: Season FUCKING Two.

Tango gets up and says that "I watched New York disrespect my mother and I can't fly. It's over". He flips his hooded jacket over his head, walks off the stage, gets his "bro" Boston and they both leave the set.

New York is walking around stage emotional while the host proclaims she doesn't know what's going on. The host then tries to get Chance to save the day but he never gets up. New York screams out to Chance that she should have chosen him and Chance tells her that he would have never done what Tango did to her.

She takes a seat and starts to cry while the host requests for Tango to come back out to explain himself. Suddenly fat ass T-Bone sat down with New York on the couch to comfort her. I'm surprised the camera lens didn't crack under his fugly face. Oh I can't stand T-Bone!

Well, seconds after fat ass T-Bone took a seat out comes Tango back on the set.

New York jumps to her feet screaming "Fuck you!" at Tango while someone escorts fat ass T-Bone off the stage and back to his nobody seat. Tango and New York are verbally ripping into each other now. New York throws out "I don't even care anymore" and "I'm done with your ninja turtle ass" and "Fuck You with your 2 inch mother fucking dick, I don't give a fuck!" Tango says stuff but I can't catch it because New York is louder.

She continues with the "I'm done" rants and walks in the other direction backstage crying in the dark. Suddenly she comes back out on stage as Tango verbally attacks her again. She screams at Tango that the reason she should have chosen Chance is because he "has a fucking bigger dick than you do".

Tango continues his "disrespect" speech and suddenly throws a shout out to Chance telling him "It's good to go pimp. Knock yourself out dog" in reference to Chance taking a butt stab at New York's booty. Tango even grabs Chance's hand and tells him "you be good". Then Tango tells New York "Nobody disrespects my family, ever!" and "It's a wrap" and "When you see Tiffany, you tell her get at me" and "I'm done!".

Backstage Boston and Tango proclaim themselves as "the 2 studs" who are now "single". Boston then informs us that the I Love New York necklace Tango had around his neck needs to be put up on eBay but Tango throws it in the trash. Awesome!

Back on stage New York sits down on the couch crying that she put her "heart" into this. Chance keeps telling her to keep her head up or something positive like that. Still Chance has never gotten up once to comfort New York. The host had to get up later to comfort her. They chatted about New York getting drunk later that night.

The host ends the show with "It looks like my girl New York didn't find love after all". This quote IS the official start of I Love New York: Season FUCKING Two. Expect Tiffany- I mean New York to sign on the dotted line in the coming months.

In other I Love New York reunion news Pumpkin came out as a special guest to announce she's dating Boston. Boston also proclaimed he gained 5 pounds of muscle and the sex between him and Pumpkin is "unbelievable".

Rico, Jersey and Pootie were not at the reunion. One has "issues", the other is on "crutches" and the other is in "jail". Crybaby Romance came manicured toe to manicured toe with New York and announce he too had a new bitch in his life, a new dog. He also acted a fool on stage.

New York's Devil Mother attacked Pumpkin when she left the stage by grabbing her at the neck. Once they were pulled apart Pumpkin wrapped her legs around the first man to come to her aid and was taken backstage where she informed us that her and New York made out and that she had proof of it on her phone. Pumpkin even had a text from New York about something sexual New York wanted to do with Pumpkin.

12 Pack and Heat also announced they are on "tour" sleeping with women across the United States doing their part in helping spread STD's to those willing to put out with reality has been stars. I will say though that Heat is actually looking pretty hot. You can actually see his muscle definition on his body starting to show.

We also found out that New York will make a guest appearance on Charm School where she supposely keeps the bitches in check. I feel like I just got off a wild roller coaster ride and I'm starting to breathe a long sigh of relief. Thanks New York for everything!

Posted by guytvblog at 12:55 AM | Comments (28)

March 5, 2007

How Horny Drunken Viewers See 12 Pack!

Whoops, I meant "12 Pack", that's what VH1 gets, Viewers who forget VH1's reality shows when the network puts them ON A FUCKING 2 WEEK HIATUS!

Posted by guytvblog at 12:18 AM | Comments (3)

February 14, 2007

I Love New York . Episode I Heart Rico

It's officially Valentine's Day in TV world so expect various channels to do heart related programming that may leave your stomach a bit quesy. And since GuyTVBlog.com hearts TV romance then who better else to celebrate this very red day than with I Love New York's latest eliminated contestant... RICO!

Enjoy his take-your-breath away photo series from his official MySpace profile. According to that profile Rico has found some kind of "rear view" affection with someone other than New York and her name is Claudia. Rico does still list "single" as his status and he has dreadfully listed "straight" as his orientation. I'm disappointed Rico. Very disappointed.

If you do have the time to check out his profile then you'll notice other various I Love New York contestants profiles listed under Rico's favorites. It seems that he has ladies all listed before his guy friends which only means that with Rico it's "Ho's Before Bros". Not that any of the girls on his page are actual "ho's" but you know how the saying goes.

Posted by guytvblog at 12:50 AM | Comments (8)

January 22, 2007

I Love New York . Sister's Words & Bones' Body

Want to see Sister Patterson, New York's mother, utter these horrid quotes? Then check out VH1's V-Spot and view the unair clip that features Sister Patterson going AWF on "12 Pack" for suggesting to Chamo, New York's gay for pay assitant, on giving him a "lap dance" if Chamo made sure that "12 Pack" stayed past night one.

The first quote has Sister Patterson errupting into a fury that leads her to use the word "faggot" to describe gay men in her straight house. The 2nd quote deals with Sister Patterson confronting "12 Pack" about his suggestion of a male on male lap dance and then hooking up with her daughter which would result in giving New York AIDS since gay men are involved in this odd love triangle.

The final quote deals with a hypocritical Sister Patterson shouting about "disrespect" yet she continues to disrespect a "gay" man in the house. If the guy playing the character of Chamo was really gay he'd confront Sister Patterson on camera, get up in her fugly face and talk to her about the filth that comes out of her mouth.

In other I Love New York news we find Bones showing off his body to a bunch of straight men. Check out his 10 pack and his ribcage. Yum... ?

I mean what else can you ask for with Bones, he's the complete thin man package, for those of interest.

Posted by guytvblog at 12:38 AM | Comments (5)

January 8, 2007

I Love New York Mutha Fuckin Premieres Bitches!

And so the next greatest reality show debuts tonight! You can go to VH1.com right now and view the almost entire episode because the online V-Spot channel leaves you hanging as to who stays and who goes in the elimination ceremony.

If you were lucky enough Sunday morning than you would have caught the ENTIRE show aired in its entirety. I was one of those lucky few. With that said let's get started with GuyTVBlog.com's review of the first episode, minus any spoilers as to who stays and who goes in the elimination ceremony.

After the guys arrived, met Chamo, New York's gay for pay sidekick, and then met New York and then lined up to get their trademark Flavor of Love nicknames... then comes New York's mother. Every ho and her friend knows New York's mother is going to be part of this series. It's like having New York times 2.

Now when the whole Sister Patterson [New York's mother] clip package aired I felt it was pathetic how Sister Patterson thinks she has all this POWER. If you really look at the clip package everything she said or demanded didn't happen or go her way.

Later when the men were getting their names a black guy with some facial hair is given the name Pootie. He then attempts to impress New York's mom who quickly made a mega bitch comment about how she can NOT be impressed easily. Well, whatever to that 'cause about 2 mintues later Sister Patterson is going to fall for bullshit and bullshit that's stank!

The moment Heat, another contestant, mentions his family's meaning to him... well Sister Patterson is so fuckin' impressed that she gets up to hug him.

Then the fugliest bunch of them all, T-Weed, attempts to impress the mom by including her in his "get to know you" speech. Ohhh was she all over his nasty nuts! New York didn't look that much into T-Weed. From the previews a few weeks ago I thought T-Weed was the gay sidekick. Boy was I wrong!

Finally Bonez steps up to the plate and starts dropping God's name with God this and God that and bible this and holy that... And can you guess who was all over his nuts? Sister Patterson!

Another surprise in the group of men competing for New York's mega breasts- I mean heart... is Oxygen channel's Mr. Romance winner Randy Ritchwood. If you don't know what I'm talking about then click here for more information on Mr. Romance.

This season we also have a set of brothers in the house, Real & Chance. Chance appears to be the troublemaker, the loud mouth, the asshole, the "thug" and the mutha fuckin' STAR of the premiere episode and possibly the mutha fuckin' male version of New York. Expect him to make it the final 2, or so I am predicting. Already Sister Patterson is not feeling Chance and is down his throat with insults. Here's hoping New York gets in a mega bitch cat cunt fight with her dear sweet mother regarding Chance making it further in the game.

Don't worry, there's a nutjob in the group. His name is Romance and he's got a heart warming story that goes into nuttyville because the average person doesn't deal with the loss of a pet like he does. You see he lost his dog 3 weeks ago from the day the guys moved in, he's super sensitive in front of the cameras thus he's edited to look like a nutjob. I do feel for him, I know I will be a wreck if something happens to someone I love. Let's hope he pulls it together and gets the normal edit treatment..

Mr. Boston is the most annoying contestant of them all. His voice has this high pitch unsexy dweeb pitch to it. So what does he do with that voice of his, he get in a mutha fuckin' verbal one sided fight with Chance, the smartest "thug" of the group. You see Chance is smart enough to get New York on a one on one chat first. Mr. Boston sees this and tries to destroy all that love connection Chance is creating. Later we also find out Mr. Boston has a twin. That means his voice can be multiplied by 2! My ears are bleeding.

T-Bone is the contestant that will make you turn you mutha fuckin head the other way when his mugshot appears on the TV. Nuh-uh, I ain't watching him. Get him out of the house! As for Heat, he's full of himself, period. Now I can see why Sister Patterson is into him.

Wait a mutha fuckin' minute- Sister Patterson is doing the grunt work for us! She's going around asking everyone if they are gay. Of course everyone says no but 12 Pack, a beefy contestant, is causing Sister Patterson's gaydar to explode. 12 Pack does admit to being in situations where he could have done things with other guys but somehow, for some reason, denied the chance for homosexual encounters. Yeah, whatever, I suspect he at least got blown from a gay guy. Where is that lucky gay guy? Where are you?

As the premiere episode continues we find out Rico, the gorgeous latin of the group, fucks up during the meet and greet outside and should be renamed Mr. Fuck Up. The reason being is he wanted to give New York a latin nickname and once she heard the english translation of his latin nickname she flipped the fuck out and redefined the translation as him calling her the N-word. It takes Chamo, the gay for pay sidekick of New York, to calm New York down and to better explain where Rico is coming from. Will he be spared at the elimination ceremony? Tune in to find out!

Later Token, the other white boy meat who Sister Patterson adores, becomes the tattle tail of the group and gets on the mom's good side by telling her that some of the guys here are "actors" and trying to fight for "camera time". I don't heart Token.

Now the best moment of the premiere episode comes near the end when Chance gets smoke blown in his face by Sister Patterson. He flips the fuck out, she flips the fuck out and demands that he leave and he won't and suddenly my VH1 viewing experience just gets that much better. This dramatic moment has just put Chance on an even higher romantic level with New York because we all know daughters love to piss off their mothers by dating guys they don't approve of.

Oh and let me rant about this next item. The mutha fuckin' amount of smoke New York and Sister Patterson puff puff and don't give give is down right nasty. I feel sorry for the camera men and non smoking contestants who have a huge chance of getting that 2nd hand smoke cancer thing. Someone send New York a big ol' patch kit.

After all the drama comes the elimination ceremony and five guys will be going home. Suddenly we see gold necklaces in a black case that have the logo "I Love New York" in gold. Sister Patterson is also there to help with the handing out process of the bling bling salvation jewelry. At least her mouth is there to help.

Now I said I wasn't going to spoil the ending and I won't. Hmmm, there's some shouting going on in the final few minutes. Why... watch and find out! Monday night on VH1!

Check out the series finale reunion show GuyTVBlog.com update now. CLICK HERE!

Posted by guytvblog at 12:10 AM | Comments (17)